I haven’t written much about parenting, because most of it is hard and boring. Like maintaining health, either as a doctor or a patient, it’s usually a slog, requiring wellsprings of confidence to remain sure that what one is doing in the moment will have some measurable impact down the line. To that end, I have decided to found an organization to inspire such confidence, while establishing standards that can make most of us – the average parents, the pretty-good providers – feel supported in the slog. It is called the Adequacy League, and will have at least two arms, one for parents, one for physicians and patients.
The League of Adequate Parenting will emphasize that most of us who bellyache about child-rearing, and fear that we are not doing well enough, are actually doing just fine given our circumstances. This means, of course, that if we are parenting in resource-rich circumstances, we should appreciate that fact: our adequacy is not likely to be the same as that achievable under other circumstances.
Similarly, the Adequate Doctors-and-Patients’ Union recognizes – by charter! – that there is a tension to medicine. On the one hand, much of what ails us gets better with time, and we ought not to interfere with that. But, on the other hand, we want to actively interfere in a great many conditions for which there is no “natural” cure. Adequacy means neither interfering without exception on principle nor refusing to intervene on the basis of some misguided alliance with “nature.” Neither doing too much nor too little, and not looking over one’s shoulder continuously at the latest study. The adequate doctor or patient can be satisfied with her efforts toward health even as she knows she is not perfect.
Adequacy does not mean complacency, but the ability to take stock of our current limitations, appreciating all we are managing to do.
Excellence can be quantified, sure, and we should all aspire to it. Poor performance can be avoided as well with the help of keen analysis. But neither striving for excellence nor avoiding error and harm can get us through a weekday morning, a whiny toddler, a chronic illness, a day full of things-to-do and people with quite legitimate demands whom we need to serve. Sustaining a notion of adequacy is key. The Adequacy League recognizes this. Though it presents no awards, reimburses no one for travel expenses, and has no meetings, it will exist, quietly, wherever you are, as long as you need it.